So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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