I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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