Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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