I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
