I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
