And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
