two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
