No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
