i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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