Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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