It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
