"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
