he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
