I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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