No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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