Nicole vs. Life
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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