Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
