I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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