i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
