Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My cat gives me a boner
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
