Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
