The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
