I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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