fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
