the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
