wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
