Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
