we have pet lesbian snakes
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
