I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
