Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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