Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
