I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
