The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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