I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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