Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
