We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
