God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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