The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
