Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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