that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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