I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
