he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
