I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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