I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
