Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
