i don't plan on having that self control this summer
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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