My sheets look like a crime scene.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
