I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
