I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
