god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
