see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
