I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize