dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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