Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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