Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A+ Viking dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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