i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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