I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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