yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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