so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
