i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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