im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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