why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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