i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
