One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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