Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
