no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
