We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
