I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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