it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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