I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
