woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
