Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
