you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
