I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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